>>>>>[NEWSFLASH!!! This just in to Shadowland--the annotated transcript of the press conference held the day after President Dunkelzahn's death. God alone knows (or maybe not) what light this might shed on the question of whodunnit and why but at this point, any scrap of information from any source is worth a look. As usual, feel free to post relevant and/or useful comments. I emphasize those adjectives--ranting, wailing and gnashing of teeth, or (God forbid) gloating WILL NOT BE TOLERATED in this area of the BBS. (That's what the chat rooms are for. Got it?!)]<<<<<
· Captain Chaos <12:34:59 / 20-09-2057>
KSAF ARCHIVES-TRANSCRIPT OF PRESS CONFERENCE/INTERVIEWS,
AUGUST 9TH, 2057
[CAMERA ROLLS on opening of press conference. The subdued roar off-camera gives away the substantial size of the crowd. CENTER SHOT on official SPOKESWOMAN standing in front of the UCAS flag, addressing the crowd while Press Secretary MEG OWENS and her BODYGUARD approach the speaker's platform. As they pass through the last of the assembled onlookers, OWENS crosses herself. She looks grim, a little frightened.]
>>>>>[Funny how KSAF missed the Big Event, but showed up for this song-and-dance. I'm still trying to figure that one out.]<<<<<
· Uncle Theo
SPOKESWOMAN: Thank you all--thank you all for coming to this press conference. This should have been a happier occasion--we'd meant to celebrate the election of Dunkelzahn to the Presidency and begin the new term. Instead, as you all know, the President has been killed. We have with us today his press secretary, Meg Owens, who will give the details such as they are right now ... and will entertain a few questions. Ms. Owens?
>>>>>[This chica has an interesting double life. She used to work in Chicago, back before it became Bug City. Way back--fourteen years, to be exact. We did a show together with a shoestring, hundred-bucks-a-production theatre company. I played God, she played a nun. (Don't ask.) In 2047, she dropped out of sight. I figured she'd gone to New York or LA, like every other hungry actor who wanted to make some real cred. Never heard of her again, until I saw her at this press conference. And I got to wondering how an actress in two-bit theatre companies, who could barely scrape together the rent every month, turns up out of the blue ten years later as press secretary to a great dragon. So I checked around.
In 2049, she turned up in a summer-stock season for a podunk company in Prince Edward Island. (Why she'd've left Chicago for PEI, I can't imagine. The pay there is even worse, and there's nowhere near as much work.) After that, she disappeared--officially. Unofficially, she was working biz--fixing and running cons for paydata. How much of this she was doing for Dunkelzahn, I can't say--it's hard to find a great dragon's fingerprints on something if he doesn't want them found. But a lot of the con games had research data as the payoff--robotics, VR, even a little bioengineering. So I'd guess the Big D was behind quite a bit of it. Also, she got jobs as a fixer awful quick. That takes a stake and the personal backing of somebody the shadow community trusts. Acting don't pay worth squat, and as for trust--who the frag would work their biz through some strolling player who just blew into town? Nobody, unless somebody real important vouched for her. My theory? Dunkelzahn set her up--steered some of his pet runners her way until she had enough of a rep to stand on her own. Again, I can't say why. Now that he's bought the Big Farm, I guess we'll never know.
But as far as I know, Meg's still running biz. Press secretary by day, con artist by night. Nice work if you can get it, neh?]<<<<<
· Valmont
>>>>>[Uh-huh. And Nadjia Daviar is really Neal the Ork Barbarian. A press secretary--a public spokeswoman--who doubles as a con artist and nobody recognizes her? Gimme a break!]<<<<<
· Skeptic
>>>>>[Cosmetic surgery does amazing things, Skep. So does a little subtle stage makeup and a lot of acting talent. I'm not saying I buy the whole story, but ...]<<<<<
· La Marquise
>>>>>[Until the Big D kicked it, no one'd ever seen this chick. Food for thought, I'd say.]<<<<<
· Eponine
[OWENS climbs up so that the crowd can see her. Under one arm, she holds a black leather folder. The SPOKESWOMAN hands her the microphone. OWENS is clearly struggling for composure.)
MS OWENS (clears her throat): At 10:23 last evening, President-Elect Dunkelzahn was assassinated as he left an inaugural ball at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, DC. A powerful bomb apparently detonated inside the Presidential limousine, killing the President, his chauffeur, and five Secret Service agents. We extend our sincere condolences to their families. (Pause) Kyle Haeffner, who took the oath of office late last night, has assumed all Presidential duties. We have no confirmed suspects at this time, but law enforcement agencies are following every possible lead. For reasons I'm sure you all understand, the information we have must remain confidential. (Visibly emotional) To the perpetrators of this outrage, I have only one thing to say; we will find you, and you will pay. (Pause) At the request of our late President, I will now read a few excerpts from his Last Will and Testament.
>>>>>[Does anyone besides me wonder how they knew which excerpts to read?]<<<<<
· Stoney
>>>>>[Maybe the Big D left 'em a note. "Dear Meg and everybody: if I die on Inauguration Night, please immediately publicize the bequests highlighted in pink."]<<<<<
· Skeptic
>>>>>[Hey--stranger things have happened.]<<<<<
· Eponine
>>>>>[Stoney's right. They read what they read on purpose. There's a pattern--I just haven't found it yet.]<<<<<
· Digger@grunge.com
>>>>>[Be sure and tell me RIGHT AWAY when you do, won'tcha, Digs ol' pal?]<<<<<
· Skeptic
[OWENS hands the microphone to a sound technician, opens the black leather folder, and takes the microphone back.]
"I, Dunkelzahn, being of sound mind and body, do declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. To ensure that my wishes are carried out, I authorize my executor, Nadja Daviar, to establish the Draco Foundation. The Foundation will oversee the execution of my last wishes as described in this will. My understanding is that most humans use their wills as instruments of encouragement and revenge, and it seemed like an excellent idea.
--To NewsNet, I leave 2 million nuyen for an investigation into my death. (Shocked reaction from crowd.)
--I leave 100,000 nuyen for the rescue of Gregory Armtwister from the Chicago Containment Zone, also called Bug City. (Shock, excited mumuring from crowd.)
--I leave a powerful magical talisman to the government of either Tir Tairngire or Tir na nOg, whichever nation first publicly discloses the complete personal histories of all of its high government officials. (Laughter from crowd.) This disclosure must be supervised by the Draco Foundation in accordance with my instructions.
--To the first company to create edible synthetic flesh for ghouls, I leave 2 million nuyen for the development of a complete product line.
--To the most direct descendant of either Howard Carter or George Herbert, Fifth Earl of Caernarvon, whoever shows up first, I leave the nose of the Great Sphinx of Giza. (Laughter from crowd.)
--To Alamais, I leave the fruitcake we have exchanged every Christmas since 2020. (Laughter from crowd.) Unlike you, I'm really dead. (More laughter.)
--To the following individuals, I leave small tokens of my esteem: Markus Dammembaum, Robert J. Hemedes, Noriaki Ikeda, Bob Cardino, James Meiers, Bradley Beavers, David Dollinger, Craig Sanchez, Glenn Dudley, Bradley Smith, Rob Edgar, Liz Dolan, and Tony Glinka. If any of these individuals are present, a represenav--representative of the Draco Foundation is here to speak with you.
>>>>>[I want to know who those last people are. How do thirteen people I've never heard of rate a "small token of esteem" from a fragging great dragon?]<<<<<
· Forrest Grump
>>>>>[You know everybody, do you, Grump?]<<<<<
· Tin Lizzie
>>>>>[I'll spell it out for you, OK? Thirteen people. You know what thirteen makes, don't you? A coven. That's a magical group. These folks are mages, and heavy-duty ones at that. Gotta be. Otherwise, why wouldn't someone have heard of them? And why wouldn't the dragon say what he was giving them? I'm tellin' ya, anyone powerful enough to stay anonymous in the 2050s ain't nobody to mess with!]<<<<<
· Lone Gunman
>>>>>[Oh, gods, not Mr. Few-Bullets-Shy-of-a-Clip again.]<<<<<
· D'Artagnan
"All for one--ME!"
>>>>>[Welcome to the 21st century, where obscurity proves you're Somebody. Ouch.]<<<<<
· La Marquise
>>>>>[The fruitcake is really the magical talisman ]<<<<<
· Loki
[OWENS closes the folder and looks out at the crowd.]
Copies of the will are available to the general public for a nominal fee. On behalf of our late President and his many friends, I'd like to thank you all for coming. I know that--
[From somewhere in the press of people a shout rings out.]
SHOUTER: We want the truth!!
>>>>>[That wuz my cousin Vinny, that guy. Screamsheet paid 'im a thousand nuyen fer the story. Xclusive. Lucky fragger.]<<<<<
· Mr. Teeth
[Startled, OWENS looks toward the shouting.]
MS OWENS: I ... I'm ... I'm sorry. Could you repeat the question, please?
[Scattered shouts of "Truth! The truth!" echo from various spots in the crowd.]
MS OWENS: Uh ... er ... the true story is as you've heard it, sir. We can't tell you anything more without jeopardizing this investigation. Question here? Yes?
KSAF REPORTER: Is it true there was a woman on the scene quoting Revelations, "And the Archangel Michael smote him"?
MS OWENS: (Slight pause) That report has not been confirmed by independent eyewitnesses. Therefore, it would be irresponsible of me to speculate at this time.
>>>>>[Translation: "Yes it's true, but I can't say so cuz they'll fire me. Or grease me." Take your pick.]<<<<<
· Handy Andy
>>>>>[It's worse than that, Andy. Translation: "No, it's not true--but I'm here to make sure you believe it's true so you won't spot the real story." They know how we think, people. They're setting us up for a wild goose chase.]<<<<<
· Stoney
KSAF REPORTER: Is it true there are 637 terrorist groups claiming responsibility for his death?
MS OWENS: Last count I heard, it was considerably higher than that, and most of those have not been confirmed either. Uh, yes?
>>>>>[Notice it's the KSAF reporter who asks the really hincky question, right off the bat. Maybe they didn't miss the Big Event--maybe they stayed away on purpose. Maybe they knew something.]<<<<<
· Renard
>>>>>[Such as?]<<<<<
· La Marquise
>>>>>[You think that "Archangel Michael" question is hincky, wait 'til you get to the interviews.]<<<<<
· Hoppin' John@SanMon.edu
Q #1 (male voice): Who's the new Vice President?
MS OWENS: The new Vice President has not been formally announced; however, the final two candidates do include Nadja Daviar ... uh, the second final candidate's name is ... er ... not yet to be disclosed to the public.
Q #2 (male voice, shouting from right): Lofwyr?
MS OWENS (pause): Lofwyr what?
Q #2: (unintelligible) ... Vice President, right?
MS OWENS: That's ... a possibility--I'm not entirely certain--if he is indeed the second candidate, it would be very difficult to tell him no ... (Chuckles from crowd; small, breathless laugh from OWENS.) Yes?
>>>>>[Lofwyr killed Dunkelzahn cuz he knew Haeffner'd make him Veep. From there he'd be just an Air Force One accident away ]<<<<<
· Barnaby
>>>>>[If Lofwyr wanted to be Prez, he'd fragging well be Prez. Like the lady said--it'd be tough to tell him no!]<<<<<
· Dragonfire
Q #3 (female voice, virtually inaudible): ... Vice President? (OWENS puts a hand to her ear in a "speak-up" gesture.) Where was the Vice President?
MS OWENS: The Vice President was unfortunately taken ill at an earlier inaugural ball ... if you know how these things work, you know there are several balls that take place around Washington DC, and they go from party to party to party ... and, er, at the Nerps inaugural ball, just before the, er, one at the Watergate Hotel, he was taken ill. Yes?
>>>>>[So when they find out Daviar offed the Big D, does Speaker Pritchard become Veep? Or does Haeffner have a backup candidate waiting in the wings?]<<<<<
· Ranger Three
>>>>>[Daviar did it? Come on. Haeffner did it, BTL-for-brains! "Unfortunately taken ill," my left cheek. That's the oldest dodge in the book!]<<<<<
· Toady
>>>>>[Yes, it is. It's so old, no one would use it. Least of all a savvy corp type like Kyle Haeffner.]<<<<<
· Mr. Michael
>>>>>[Haeffner got sick at the Nerps Inaugural Ball. That can't be a coincidence. Those Nerps things are fragging everywhere. Nerps runs the world!]<<<<<
· Lilibet
Q#4 (male voice): Will the Vice President make another speech? About the death of Dunkelzahn?
MS OWENS: Acting President Haeffner does plan to make a public statement about the death of Dunkelzahn when we have ... more ... solid information that we feel we can reveal to the public without jeopardizing the investigation. Yes?
SHOUTS FROM CROWD: What're you hiding? We want to know the truth!
MS OWENS: I'm sorry, sir--we're not hiding anything that would not ... jeopardize the ... the search for the truth of Dunkelzahn's death. Certain things must be kept confidential. Yes?
>>>>>[Notice the pauses, everyone. Notice the oh-so-convenient worry about "jeopardizing the investigation." Tell me they're not hiding something BIG!]<<<<<
· Stoney
>>>>>[That's a given, Stoney. Post when you've got an actual idea, why don't you.]<<<<<
· Strewth
"This hurts me more than it hurts you ..."
Q #5 (male voice): (inaudible) ... Brackhaven released a statement ... (inaudible)?
MS OWENS (brief pause): Mr. Brackhaven recently released a public statement to the effect that, "Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword." Interpret it as you will. Yes?
Q #6 (male voice): (inaudible) ... two Tirs said anything ... (inaudible)?
MS OWENS: The government of Tir Tairngire was among the first to condemn this outrageous act of terrorism, and they have offered us unlimited assistance in catching the perpetrators should the UCAS government request it. [The SPOKESWOMAN speaks briefly to OWENS, who nods.] Yes?
>>>>>[I'm sure the Tir's falling all over itself to be helpful. The more "help" they give us, the better position they'll be in to conceal the real killers.]<<<<<
· Eponine
>>>>>[Just because they're elves, you assume they're going to lie?!]<<<<<
· TinkerBell
>>>>>[Elves in general, I've no reason not to trust. Government elves from Tir Tairngire--need I say more?]<<<<<
· Eponine
Q #7 (female voice, inaudible)
MS OWENS: I'm sorry?
Q #7: (inaudible) ... publish ... (inaudible) ... that he said in his will ... (inaudible)?
MS OWENS: The question is, are the leaders of Tir Tairngire going to publish the complete personal histories of their leaders as is requested in the will. Ummm ... as to answering that, that's really up to them. Umm, we'll ... we'll see what happens, how badly they want that talisman. Yes?
Q #8 (male voice): (Inaudible) ... Vice President stand on ... (inaudible)?
MS OWENS: The question was, where does the Vice President stand on the Chicago Containment Zone. Mr. Haeffner feels, along with many people in the UCAS and many candidates in this recent election, that the situation in Bug City cannot be allowed to continue indefinitely, and he intends to take all possible measures to see that it is resolved. Yes?
Q #9 (male voice): (inaudible) ... body found?
>>>>>[Notice how much of this transcript is conveniently "inaudible"? Doesn't it make you wonder?]<<<<<
· Tomtom
MS OWENS: The question is, was there a body found? I'm sorry, but it would be improper for me to speculate at this time. Er--next? Yes?
>>>>>[I heard they found a toe.]<<<<<
· Rumormonger
>>>>>[Manicured or not?]<<<<<
· Barber of Seville
"Toreador, don't spit upon the floor ..."
>>>>>[That is sooo disgusting!]<<<<<
· Linzertorte
>>>>>[There was no body. He was fragging vaporized. Nothing left but a few ash flakes, if that.]<<<<<
· ISpy
Q #10 (male voice): Will there be a funeral ceremony?
MS OWENS: The question is, will there be a funeral ceremony. Yes, as a matter of fact there will be. Uh-there is a memorial service scheduled at Lake Louise on ... uh, the 11th of August, two days from now, I believe at two o'clock p.m. ... (to SPOKESWOMAN) yes?
SPOKESWOMAN: Five.
MS OWENS: Five o'clock p.m. (Slight, nervous laugh) I'm sorry, I'm a little rattled--I didn't sleep well last night. Yes?
Q #11 (male voice): Will it be open casket or closed? (Chuckles from crowd nearby.)
MS OWENS: The question is, will that be open casket or closed. Uh, the trouble, of course, with any casket is finding one large enough to contain ... er ... the body of a great dragon ... so I can't say that I know that detail of the arrangements. (Pause.) Yes?
>>>>>[I was there--at Lake Louise. It was beautiful. No casket, of course. Just a portrait of President Dunkelzahn, draped in black. More flowers than you'd think grew in the whole wide world. All kinds of people were there--hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. And every one of us got a chance to say something about what the President had meant to us. Everybody, not just the celebs and the big important people. The Big D's cleaning lady was crying so hard she almost couldn't get the words out. Apparently, Dunkelzahn arranged for her little boy to get cutting-edge treatment for a rare genetic disease, all at the wyrm's own expense. Holly Brighton got up and sang "Ave Maria"--you know, the Bach one--while Daviar, of all people, played the harp for her. Nice harp--looked old.
There was a big table off to one side, with rows of white candles stuck in sand. Each of us who spoke got to light one--in memoriam, or for a prayer, or something. After a bit, there were so many lights it looked like the stars themselves had come to mourn. And then a choir of centaurs closed the service by singing "Amazing Grace." I never knew centaurs could sing before. It was like listening to angels. I know that's a cliche, but I can't think of any other way to describe it.]<<<<<
· Irish Rose
>>>>>[At least they didn't do that cheesy bit with a brass urn. "These are the President's ashes. Yes, we could tell the difference between him and all the other drek left in the bottom of the blast crater." I'm glad they didn't go for that cheap dodge.]<<<<<
· Skeptic
>>>>>[There were no ashes because there was no body. Because he wasn't killed. Dunkelzahn's ALIVE.]<<<<<
· Dragonkin
>>>>>[You're the one with the aliens theory, aren't you?]<<<<<
· Tin Lizzie
Q #12 (male voice): What proof can you actually give us--that he was killed?
MS OWENS (after long pause): It would be irresponsible of me to speculate at this time as to whether or not he has actually been killed. All I know is that (brief pause) several people were killed with him (brief pause), and it is my belief that if he were still alive, he would have shown himself, revealed himself somehow to all of the grieving people (brief pause) who were so ecstatic at his election. (OWENS is fighting for composure.) Yes--in the back--blue shirt.
>>>>>[See? SEE?! If they had proof he was dead, how come the press secretary didn't say so? How come she took so fragging long to answer the question? And why did she come out with that code phrase about it being "irresponsible of me to speculate at this time"? Dunkelzahn's alive, and THEY KNOW IT!]<<<<<
· Dragonkin
>>>>>[Maybe they just want us to think he's alive.]<<<<<
· Stoney
>>>>>[Why?]<<<<<
· La Marquise
>>>>>[Does it matter?]<<<<<
· Stoney
Q #13 (male voice): (inaudible) ... policlubs ... (inaudible)?
MS OWENS: You are speaking of the Secret Service agents who were killed?
Q #13: Yeah.
MS OWENS: The question was, have the names of the Secret Service agents who were killed with Dunkelzahn been released, and were any of them former members of policlubs. We have not publicly released those names, pending notification of the families. However, I can tell you that to our knowledge, FBI background checks and Secret Service background checks did not turn up any evidence of policlub involvement. (She points to someone else near the back of the crowd.) Yes?
>>>>>[I found at least one policlub connection. And surprise, surprise, it wasn't Humanis. Lynn Tanaka of Seattle, the most recently hired of the Secret Service agents, was a member of a little local poli that wanted Seattle to go independent. They never amounted to much--allegedly--and she supposedly dropped out of the group when she left college. What this means, I don't know yet. But I'm working on it.]<<<<<
· Slipper
>>>>>[What was the name of this little local policlub?]<<<<<
· Fastjack
>>>>>[NationSeattle. One word.]<<<<<
· Slipper
>>>>>[Huntin' time ... ]<<<<<
· Fastjack
Q #14 (male voice): Any truth to the rumor that there were strange astral phenomena immediately before the event?
>>>>>[Check out the old lady's story near the beginning of the Portfolio of a Dragon post. If she was telling the chip-truth, then this whole thing is a lot weirder and scarier than we think.]<<<<<
· Randi
MS OWENS: The question is, is there any truth to the rumor that there have been strange astral phenomena immediately before the event. Uh, we have received several scattered reports of, er, various phenomena, but again, none of these reports have been officially confirmed. Therefore, it would be irresponsible of me to speculate publicly at this time. Yes--yes sir--beard?
Q #15 (male voice): How big was the bomb blast?
MS OWENS: The question is, how big was the bomb blast? Big enough. (Laughter from crowd.) Yes--one more.
>>>>>[Did they ever find any pieces of the President's limo?]<<<<<
· Curious George
>>>>>[According to that wino guy in Portfolio of a Dragon, the limo was still recognizable as a car. It wasn't vaporized. But the President's body was. Hmmm.]<<<<<
· Spook
>>>>>[That's assuming the wino was a) sober, and b) truthful. Jury's out, I'm afraid.]<<<<<
· Wayland
Q #16 (male voice): Is it true Dunkelzahn was seen at a Stuffer Shack this morning? (Laughter from crowd.)
MS OWENS: The question is, is it true that Dunkelzahn was seen at a Stuffer Shack this morning. Sir, I wish you would tell me where that Stuffer Shack was, because if it is true, I would love to see him. I--(pause) I--I'm sorry, I--I can't take any more questions. [OWENS thrusts the microphone at the SPOKESWOMAN and climbs down. She's choking up, refusing to look at anyone.] Sorry.
[Preceded by her bodyguard, OWENS departs the hall.]
>>>>>[She was pretty upset. Maybe Valmont's got the clean goods, and she really did know Dunkelzahn.]<<<<<
· Merrimac
>>>>>[She was his press secretary. Of course she knew him, drek-head. That doesn't mean she was also working secretly on the streets. If Valmont's telling the truth, how come he didn't give us her street name?]<<<<<
· Skeptic
>>>>>[I'm still waiting, Val ... ]<<<<<
· Skeptic
Q #17 (male voice, shouting from deep in the crowd): I gave Dunkelzahn a ride. He offered me 20 million nuyen. Where do I collect?
SPOKESWOMAN: You'll have to examine the contents of his entire will for that. Thank you--there will be no more questions. Thank you all for coming, for showing your support; we would now like to observe a moment of silence in honor of President Dunkelzahn and those who died with him.
>>>>>[I'm still waitin' fer my 20 mil. Fraggin' wyrm didn't put me in his will anywhere. Man, what good's a promise when even somebody like the Big D doesn't keep his word?!]<<<<<
· Kevlar
[A shout echoes from somewhere in the crowd.]
SHOUTER: Humans are cruel!
[A single trumpeter plays "Taps". As the dirge ends, the crowd gives her a round of applause.]
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